Being single: choice or circumstance?

January 22, 2013

I have a friend who haven't met yet her "soulmate" as what she termed it but enjoys the journey of singlehood. She disclosed her true feelings about being single, hers is by circumstance because of her responsibility to look after her parents and siblings. She asked me if I miss my single status days and I replied, yes! I recall those days, they were so much fun, I have all the freedom, my career was on its top and I have all the time in the world. But, there came a time that I was into a sort of midlife crisis, it's wanting to know what my priority among my priorities. I didn't know what to do next. When I got home, tiresome retires me. At work, society's belief pressured me that a woman who has reached a certain age and level of accomplishment should be married. They thought that there is something wrong with me why I was not yet married then. I was always bombarded with questions like 'isn't your biological clock ticking?', where's your boyfriend? why you let him go? These were unfair perception! It is important to understand that women are getting married late because we are fulfilling our career goals and we are no longer limited to what we can achieve. Furthermore, we are not mandated to find a husband that can support us financially. Being single does not equate with being lonely. But, during that time I was caught between what I believe and what I feel. I was into a silent panic. Thinking how about when I get home in an evening, there is no one to welcome me except for a dog/cat. Preparing dinner alone, I will not able to discuss things on my mind when I want to. If there is something interesting on the TV especially if its gossip about showbiz, I won't be able to talk about that until I'm at work especially if my parents are no longer with me. I must admit that there were instances that I got scared of growing old alone. But, being scared of being alone in the future doesn't validate that someone should get married. Being single is not an illness that can be cured by marriage because for some it is a sacred calling. If I haven't met my husband that I considered my true love because of the barriers that we both broke, I will be single forever by choice because my career would not give way for a permanent relationship. I believe that my identity and my value as a person does not depend on being married. I told my friend that she might have not realize it that it's ok to be single. I reminded her that she shouldn't be caught up in self pity because whatever her situation right now, it's better than someone else. There are many couples who would rather be single again due to the freedom it offers and it's better to be single and happy than married and unhappy. Being single is the best time to discover oneself because sometimes you can't learn when you're with someone. Finally, start finding people who are not just available but are right for you, don't settle just because you're tired and pressured on being single. You deserve better and there's no perfect man as well as perfect woman.  Have patience because things happen in God's time not on our time.

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