May 15, 2012

Disappointed for being unproductive

I don't know if I'm just making this a big deal but I'm disappointed with myself for not accomplishing things that I planned. I feel so unproductive, I miss having job but at the same time feeling guilty for not helping out my son to improve on his speech. My son is kinda delayed on his speech that's why he's having speech therapy at school. I'm disappointed with myself, I expect a lot from me because I'm a stay at home mom, I should have guided my son and give him intense training but where I put my extra time? I do blog on my spare time, I do chores, I read lots of books, I do grocery shopping every other day for things we need and not need. Then, I bring my son to the park so that he could play and have some exercises. By the time that I got home, the weather and chasing for my son retires me. I feel not having enough energy to do the rest of my chores. Last week, I promised myself that I will have a 30 minutes walk/jog around our neighborhood, I've done it while my son is in school. It kinda recharged me and freed me from stress and other thoughts in my mind. I don't know I want to do lots of things but I can't. Having no time is an alibi because you can have time for each if you set it. I told myself that I'll start thinking and acting like I'm working 8 hours. I recall my tasks schedule when I was still working. So, I set it as a guide to be my prototype. I set my schedule in the morning based on my routine such as preparing breakfast for my son and getting him ready to school. After that, I set 1 hour for chores (laundry,vaccuming floors) then while I'm online and checking mails and updating my blogs, I start baking/cooking (1 hour) by the time that my son gets home, feed him and then bring him out either to Mcdonalds or to the park.I thought that when I was working, I always have deadlines so I'm setting deadlines to my chores and other tasks that I want to accomplish. I maintain a journal where I write things to do for the week and I always feel bad whenever I just have one task crossed in a day, it means I wasted some of my time. How I wish to slow down the time but it's impossible because there are also people who wants time to pass quickly. I expect too much from myself, maybe I'm missing the part that I'm no longer as fit as before and I'm married with a toddler. My previous job here in USA when I don't have my son yet required me to work 5-8 hours a day and by the time I got home, I still do some chores, but now it seemed impossible to accomplish lots of tasks. Maybe, I need to be physically fit so that I have the energy and most of all I should have the right motivation.

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